It's been on my mind.....

I haven't  blogged in a while. Didn't have anything on my mind but, until now. I'm writing this, more to vent my frustration than for any other reason. In some strange way, that I can't explain, it helps calm me. Normally I'm a happy guy. Not many things bothers me. I try to keep things in perspective and what I can't change I just deal with. I avoid arguments and confrontations if possible....anything that makes me unhappy.

I woke today and my normally cheerful demeanor was sorely lacking. My best friend, a German Shepherd named Zack is ailing. He has a bad hip and it's getting worse each day. More noticeable in the last week or two. I've noticed him having difficulty getting up and walking. He favors the rear leg and isn't sure footed. He'll turn ten in July. When he was a pup the hip began bothering him. I took him to a Veterinarian that specialized in hip problems. He operated on his Cruciate ligament and after some time, Zack made a good recovery. I couldn't let him chase a tennis ball anymore for fear of damaging the repair but, I was still able take him swimming and for long walks. 

It's frustrating not being able help him. Tomorrow I will call my veterinarian but, I already know how the conversation will go. She'll write a script and tell me to keep him calm. I've had dogs as long as I can remember. I know where this is going. If the hip fails, I won't be able to save him. He weighs over 100 pounds. Too heavy to carry around. Making that " dreaded" decision is already weighing heavily on me. I had to do it many times in my life in the past. It never gets easier. If anything, it's harder each time...I hate thinking about it but, can't STOP thinking about it. I tell myself "that's it!!....no more dogs!". In reality, I'm kidding myself. Zack is....and all the dogs before him, have been, some of my best friends.

I had to write this blog to get my feelings under control. I haven't read back over it or made any corrections, which I'm sure it needs. My intention was to just write it. To get it off my chest, so to speak...I feel a little better...hope it lasts a while...(-;

Jake...